Two Months In

Let me be honest with you about what I’ve accomplished two months into unemployment:

1.     Betty fucking Crocker: I eat 99% of all meals at home. The menu includes an incredible pork roast as well as a roasted chicken on par with Safeway’s rotisserie version at half the cost. I whip up a frittata with the roasted vegetable leftovers the next day. For breakfast there’s a black bean chorizo potato burrito, or hash browns with peppers and onions. Oatmeal cookies, pound cake, brownies from scratch top all this deliciousness off. I’m back, baby.

2.       Music over my head: The website is dusted off and up to date, and Microsoft Publisher pushes me to learn more each time I make new flyers for gigs. Kim and I meet regularly with our band mate, Aaron, and I’m practicing guitar on a daily basis and expanding the boundaries of what I thought I could do. More finger picking and little lead riffs move from my head to my hands.

3.       Internet TV: If there were a multiple choice or essay test on the plotline of any of the following shows, the teacher could use mine as the key: DEXTER, HOMELAND, HOUSE, MODERN FAMILY, THE OFFICE, PARKS AND REC.

4.       DEUTSCHE ORDEN: At least I have a beautiful desk/home office area to write these blogs from and surf the web for invisible employment opportunities. Yesterday my father’s US Marines spirit possessed me in a violent fit and a new alphabetical filing system was born. Now no stray file or 2006 tax folder clutters some forsaken bureau drawer. I can tell you EXACTLY where to find my birth certificate, past drug prescriptions, or car maintenance receipts. Das ist wunderbar.

5.       Wedding Wonderland:  Would you watch a reality show where a bride was given less than $3000 to plan her wedding? This is not an existential question for me, and I’ve downsized from caterer to taco truck and kegs in the process. That actually just made the whole marriage thing seem cooler.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, it’s time to go clean the house and make BBQ chicken sandwiches out of the leftover roast……